I just read an article on the Fuller Youth Ministry blog about the middle 70%. Their contention is that the thriving 15% get a lot of attention and the struggling 15% get a lot of attention, but the middle 70% don’t get much attention. There are most likely right about that, and I’m not sure what can be done about it. Though I am reminded of how the one “one leader” model promotes that.

I have seen and even been at churches that expect the youth pastor to be the number one contact with teens. Unless you have a group of about 12 kids, that just isn’t practical or even possible most of the time. Instead, I have tried to decentralize my leadership into the leaders of other groups. I know that I can’t/won’t be able to relate to everyone in the youth group as well as some/most of my leaders. I certainly can’t go to six different campuses and all the activities involving my youth. Instead, I try to make it to the significant ones of my group. Each leader is responsible for those teens in their group.

I was reminded though of my daughters recent swim lessons. They are at Swimwell, which has a unique approach to teaching swimming. They often have special needs children and also do rehabilitation as well. So we take our girls there, they line them up next to the pool and without further instructions tell them to jump. They then start sorting out swimmers by their ability. As a parent, it was a little scary, but I saw the sense in it quickly. What was surprising after that is that they all went through the same routine and were constantly shuffling the groups according to ability. It wasn’t uncommon for each of my daughters to be in several groups within 45 minutes.

What would that look like in kingdom building discipleship I wonder? Could groups be based on where they are in their faith and the challenges particular to each of them instead of their friends or affinity? Just a thought.

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Saturday was one of those days. The details were great. We all woke up early, but we were settled into a pace that didn’t press us. I made pancakes and bacon for the family, which it turns out I love to do. We had a couple of things to take care of for the morning and the yard work I needed to do was made impossible by the rain that morning. So Cathy took Elizabeth and went to run some errands, and Jane and I stayed at the house and counted her money.

Jane really wanted to get herself a treat with some of the money she earned doing chores. We all went to see an early movie, How to Train Your Dragon, which was a great time for the family.

We then came back and I got to do some of that yard work. I love working in the yard. For some reason, maybe it was the thing I did every Saturday growing up, yard work is one of the most relaxing things for me. It’ also a great time of prayer for me since it mostly a pretty mindless work.

In the late afternoon, I took Jane to Target to get her treat and some other essentials that Cathy wasn’t able to pick up earlier.

It doesn’t sound all that perfect writing it out, but there was an unidentifiable quality of the time together with family and time with God that made it a great day. I love those days.

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I have seen a lot of people doing these and thought it would be a good reminder to me and whoever reads this blog. I could go into my best and worst movies (Kung Fu Panda, The Dark Knight, The Spirit, etc.) or favorite shows (Heroes and Lost) but instead I will mention what really matters.

Highlights:

Jane started preschool this year and it was really cool seeing her turn into a little girl. She is so social and really just a sweet girl. Preschool helped her a lot and I think she is missing it greatly over the break.

Elizabeth tested out of OT and is tested at about severe normal. Although she is still little behind in verbal skills, E is growing into a very determined and smart little girl. She got a drum for Christmas and she might just turn out to be our musician.

Cathy was featured in Fower Magazine this quarter and her artistic side is starting to come into play again. She is talented beyond my imagining and I am glad she has started receiving recognition from someone other than me and her friends.

I have been at St. Peter’s for amost two years and have felt more at ease and at home professionally than I ever have. It’s not the perfect place, but it is just right for me. I had one of the best retreats I have prepared this last year and have been more confortable in a role as spiritual mentor than ever before. The fruits of discipleship are starting to e seen and it is resulting in numerical growth as well.

Downtimes:

I confronted my parents on some of their stuff in late October and haven’t really heard from them since. I got a call from them Christmas day, but I don’t feel like I am any closer to a real relationship with them.

I was hit pretty hard with some of my emotional junk this year. Two things are really standing out. First, I am really detached from my feelings and I don’t like it. Second, I am more avoidant than I have thought and it plays into a narcissistic/dettached way of relating to people, especially my family.

So my year has been pretty full as you can see. There is a lot for me to work on in the next year and I am very ready for change in my emotionaly life. I hope to look back on this post in a year and see how far I’ve come.

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We have lots going on for the weekend before Christmas at the Martin house.

Heading into the weekend, I set up a new theme for Cathy’s site, Lillyeth. It is basically a portfolio type of theme and it highlights her art a little better than the previous theme. She was recently featured In Flower Magazine as their artist in bloom, and we wanted to update the site so that it features her work a little better. Check it out and then check back later. She is undertaking some bigger work to showcase what she does on a grander scale.

We also had our staff Christmas party Thursday night. It was a typical church staff party with people getting together and eating and hanging out. Two things are brag-able about it though.  First, our staff really likes each other and we don’t have to do some weird interactions just to make it bearable. Second, my pastor makes bananas foster. It was a pretty good night, even though I was still a bit under the weather.

Last night we went to the Christmas at the Birmingham Zoo. The Zoolight Safari has a really awesome light exhibit including a train ride and a light show synchronized to music. It was really cool, even for the older kids (us). It was the second hearing I had this season of Mannheim Steamroller’s version of Christmas songs. Twice so far this season isn’t too bad.

Today Cathy got up early (and let me sleep in, yea!) and then went to do some shopping and I took the girls to Jane’s pageant practice. I’m not usually into Christmas pageants, but ours is mostly a local production for our own people. The practice lasted just a bit too long for Elizabeth, so we left it at about 11:45 and went and got their favorite meal, that is, a happy meal. So we watched Santa Claus is Coming to Town and ate our meals (I had left over Jambalaya).

It’s been a pretty good weekend so far. Hopefully, we will be able to find a sitter for tonight and Cathy and I will go on a date.

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I am really lame. To start with, the first app I downloaded to my iPhone was the lightsaber. Not particularly useful, but impressive. Proof in the pudding is that when people see it, they don’t care about all the other really cool things it can do.

So here I am one afternoon entertaining my girls with the lightsaber app and Jane asks what it is. After a brief description followed by doe eyes from Jane, I can tell she doesn’t get it. So we watch some Star Wars. I edit some of it through fast forward, but she is enamored. Anytime I need a buddy to watch Star Wars, she is in.

So what’s better that Star Wars with your daughter? THIS!

Nothing says I love you like chocolate carbonite.

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Quite an eventful day at the Martin’s. Elizabeth is potty training which makes the rest of the house extra sensitive to her dance. She has actually done quite well with one BM (Boomer if your from western PA) and two more viscous outbursts actually making it into the potty. We did have two accidents, though.In typical Elizabeth fashion, she is doing this the hard way. She also has a cold.

In a respite from potty training, I took Jane to get some lunch for us all. We had a great break and a bit of funny conversation. It went something like this:

J: Daddy, do you know what? I have you ever seen a rainbow mouse?

P: Uh, no.

J: Daddy, did you know I have a rainbow?

P: Is your mouse rainbow colored?

J: Yes, it’s a mouse.I have three mices. Their names are Squeaky, Micey and, uh… Rainbow.

P: Is rainbow the rainbow colored mouse?

J: Yes, but Squeaky is a white mouse, and Micey is mouse colored. Daddy, did you know what? They are all superheroes.

P: Well, that’s cool. What are their super powers?

J: Well… Squeaky’s super power is to make unicorns. Miceys super power is to make princesses. Rainbow’s super power is to… make rainbows.

P: Cool!

J: And I have a super power too.

P: OK, what’s your super power?

J: I can make everything good, even God and Jesus.

P: Awesome, that’s the best super power.

J: And I can make lowercases.

That was it. Apparently making everything good isn’t enough for our little four year old.

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Today, I pick up Cathy at the airport and end my time as a solo Dad. I had a really great time and learned a lot. So here are my lessons learned.

1. Jane is a Pirate, Elizabeth is a ninja – We have said it before, but it was proven again this week. Little E can wreck a room in zero seconds, proving her ninja speed.

The scenario that played out was during a game of hide and seek. I am hiding and Jane and Ella come in to the room. I hear the sound of skin htting skin and hear E start to cry. Jane is hitting her, so I take her aside and am talking to her and correcting her. While this is happening, I put on a youtube video for E. After correcting Jane I come back into the room. Now this is more my fault than Elizabth’s because I left it out, but when I get back, she has turned a sketch that I have been working on more time than I care to admit into a piece of black paper.

2. Jane needs a Mommy, bad – Jane is a great little girl with high social needs. Sometimes, we just can’t get her to stop talking. The first day she was alright and didn’t notice Cathy’s abesence so much. The second day, her behavior and social needs started showing the absence of her mother. Last night, she just cried in frustration after having a night of attention seeking behavior. Jane just needs her mother sometimes.

3. I am ADD when I don’t get my social needs met – I generally think of myself as a fairly self-sustaining person. I dream, occassionally, of moving to Montana and living as a semi-hermit. Mid-day Saturday I was craving some adult face time. I had talked on the phone a couple of times with friends and Cathy, but I hadn’t had any relating in proximity with an adult for three days. I was going a little lot bonkers. I realized I have some pretty high social needs s well. Big tells for my needs are: low attention span (I couldn’t even make it through a movie without losing interest), manic conversations when I see an opportunity (I was more social than I have ever been at church Sunday morning just because I wanted conversation with someone older than 4), and a willingness to eat just about anything.

After all, it was a great week and I am really glad Cathy got some time to herself, but I am really ready to see her again. We pick her up today at 10:48. You can bet I won’t be late.

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As a mother’s day gift, I encouraged Cathy to take some time and spend it with her friends and let me keep the girls. So, yesterday morning Cathy flew down to Orlando and my weekend with my two daughters began. What a bittersweet time.

I really love my wife and we affectionately call ourselves Team Martin. We really work together to make things happen, and, while we can defintely make do with half the team, it isn’t nearly as easy as it normally is. Having said that:

We had a really great day yesterday. After droping Cathy off at the airport (an adventure in itself for Jane), we did our normal Daddy daughters time – a Target run. I picked up some fun for Jane later and then it was time to get home for lunch. The girls had pizza but I had, of all things, a salad. Those of you who know, this is not my normal preferred meal, but my wife has been inspiring me to eat better, so…

After a short nap, Jane and I made pie. Well, we kind of made pie. We actually used premade crusts that were 3 inches in diameter and used the mixer to mix powder and milk to make Jello no-bake cheesecake. We then made a library run, movie run and grocery run. We got back, did some coloring and art (like Mommy) and then made some dinner (breakfast burritos and waffles for Ella). Then we got the big treat of mini-cheescake. For entertainment, we watched most of Dumbo, which Jane picked for her movie, baths and then bed time.It was actually a really great night.

I have no idea what we are doing today. I had planned on a trip to the grandparents, but they are going out of town. I then thought of the Zoo, but I think it is going to rain today. I miss Cathy right now. She usually has a couple of ideas at this point.

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I don’t talk a lot about Jane on here, and I realized that I really should. She is just this really sweet girl with a big heart. She loves her family, as evidenced by the picture, and she is generally just lots of fun.

Jane is also very spiritually tuned. She often says things that make Cathy and I think. She’s the first to say, “This song is about Jesus.” So we are fairly used to her spiritual side.

Lately she has been praying prayers that are a bit mature for her age. She prayed for Cathy to get better the other night and for her sister, who hasn’t had a BM in about a week, to be able to go. She also prayed that God would take all the monsters from her room.

So it was a bit strange yesterday when she wrote “No” on her hands and arm. She has been a little irritable after being sick and that is probably contributing to her mood, but that was just a little scary. As her father, I feel so bad for her. I can’t imagine what possessed her to do that, and the symbolism of it really hurt us to think about what she might have been thinking when she did it. If you get a moment this week, pray for Jane.

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Today we ran the gamut of experiences in the Martin household. We awoke to a fine layer of powder this morning that some Alabamians would call “snow”. Having lived in Pennsylvania, (or PA as we call it) I would refer to it as little more than hard frost. But I took some pictures anyway. The girls had a “big time” playing in it and then we drove down to Hardee’s for some breakfast.

We then went and found our new mattress. We have been needing a new one for a while and have started doing to unenviable shopping. Mattress salesmen rate just below lawyers, used car salesmen, tele-marketers and pond scum. SO without much hassle we have decided on a select comfort bed, which we will probably order Monday.

Later in the day we decided to do a little (read very little) yard work, since the uh… “snow” had completely vanished and it was actually quite dry. This is a shot of our new creek (taken the same day), which some people up north insist on pronouncing “crick”.

Not too bad for a youth pastor salary. It is actually quite nice sitting on our back deck and listening to the sound of running water as opposed to cars bumping along at our previous residence.

To top this day off, “Daddy Harv” (my father-in-law) called just a few minutes ago and invited us out to eat at El Mariachi. So it has been a pretty good day for us.

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